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  1. #1

    Exclamation My Messed Up Love Life and Anxiety

    Okay for some time now, Ive been the "other woman". It all started last year, when I had to move to a different state and leave my love behind. We were both devastated and extremely close. I loved him more than anything,and he was always by my side and there for me. We had a great year, always making each other laugh and doing a lot of cute "firsts" with each other. But when I had my last day at that school, we promised to stay strong and that he'd fly to see me and marry me after high school. Through the year, we got into major fights over the phone and text and things got worse. But we'd always end up saying sorry and being lovey again. Well now we both are dating other people. I know what you're thinking,but just wait. He started dating this other chick way before I got with this bf of mine. I constantly told him that it was wrong of him to cheat with me and it hurt me a lot. I always asked him, "If you love me so much, then why do you need another girl?" He never answered my questions like that no matter how much I asked. It really hurt me, and I couldn't tell any of my old friends at my old school because that would reveal his secret. People knew we broke up, but I hated lying to everyone saying 'we're good friends' when really we talked like we were more. He started changing and hanging with the wrong crowd,and started being less sensitive to me. I got angry and hurt, how could he do this to my mind? Were we still lovers, or was I just being used? He said that even though we'll date others throughout high school, he still only wants to marry me and have kids with me when we're adults. I love him so much but he causes me so much worry and he doesn't make any attempt to fix it or make me feel better. I'm moving in a couple months again, but I'm finally gonna be settled,so I wont have to worry about meeting people and leaving them. So basically, I feel like I'm either being used by my 'love' or that things are going downhill and he doesn't care. I feel like if I stand my ground and let him go, that Ill never find another true love or my soul mate. I really feel like he was my soul mate, but I'm pretty sure soul mates don't hide you in their secret life while they party and go downhill with their girlfriend. If he really loves, then why is he doing this to me. I wanna find someone who will make me their ONLY, not their OTHER. I'm still a teen,but I feel like I'm hopeless. I'm a very smart straight A girl with amazing art skills. But hes going down a bad road and is starting to shut me out. I don't know what to do, I hope Ill find true love soon. Thanks for listening, hopefully someone can give me advice. He and I text almost everyday all day,but
    I'm starting to get worried and anxious to a point where its eating at me. My friends have before,but they're biased or don't know the whole story. Is there hope for us? or do I need to move on {ah so hard}? So please give me your advice xx

  2. #2
    I have been in your situation before. For such a tangled situation the only solution is to cut the knot completely; by that I mean leave everything behind. Leave him. You are right: soul mates do not hide their feelings, soul mates do not cheat, soul mates do not go out with other people and still say "oh, but I still want to marry you". Nope, they do not, no matter how you wish to believe in it. They are as confused as hell, and trust me, you do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that. The shadow of his indecisiveness, of his weakness, will forever loom over your heads, and will forever threaten whatever love that manages to exist between you two.

    You are smart, you are capable, and even though you are loving, you were able to figure out that there was something wrong between you two. I am the same way; and my husband said he loves me exactly because of my straightforward reasoning. You are a type of woman that is starting to become extinct in this world. Do not lose those beautiful characteristics because of a confused boyfriend. Leave him. Go where your talent takes you.

    And your worries about not finding true love again are completely normal. Anxiety and fear are part of adolescence. You think that your entire life will be over because one little thing changed, and that your heart will harden and become impenetrable for the rest of your life, blahblahblah. All that drama that teens put themselves into, and only they can get themselves out of it. Do you know why drama looks cool in soap operas, shows, movies, books? Because misery sells. Other people's miseries make our own misery seem bearable.

    But life is much more than that. You don't have to be the victim. You don't have to be the damsel in distress. You can pick up your own strength and slay that dragon with your own hands. You can turn misery into epic, how does that sound to you?

    Now, I'm not saying it will not hurt. It will hurt. It will hurt a lot. All the memories you have with him, all the good moments, all of those will turn against you; whatever comforted you will now hurt you. Your world will break and fall apart. But hey, so does a cocoon before the butterfly can come out. So does the egg shell before a little chick sees light for the first time. So did you, in the first nine months of your life; you have already broken free from one world into the other. Was it easy? Probably not. Babies cry when they are born; it is cold, the air hurts their primal lungs, they feel vulnerable and they are tossed around by hands of strangers, and not always in the kindest manner. But you had to be born to grow, develop, get stronger.

    Seize this opportunity to be reborn. This heartbreak will shape your character; it will show you the essence of yourself, and you might find strength you never thought you had. Leave him, and leave any friends who do not support you in your decision. Life is not about to be over; it is about to begin

  3. #3

    Smile My reply

    Quote Originally Posted by carinaharumi@mymelody.com View Post
    I have been in your situation before. For such a tangled situation the only solution is to cut the knot completely; by that I mean leave everything behind. Leave him. You are right: soul mates do not hide their feelings, soul mates do not cheat, soul mates do not go out with other people and still say "oh, but I still want to marry you". Nope, they do not, no matter how you wish to believe in it. They are as confused as hell, and trust me, you do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that. The shadow of his indecisiveness, of his weakness, will forever loom over your heads, and will forever threaten whatever love that manages to exist between you two.

    You are smart, you are capable, and even though you are loving, you were able to figure out that there was something wrong between you two. I am the same way; and my husband said he loves me exactly because of my straightforward reasoning. You are a type of woman that is starting to become extinct in this world. Do not lose those beautiful characteristics because of a confused boyfriend. Leave him. Go where your talent takes you.

    And your worries about not finding true love again are completely normal. Anxiety and fear are part of adolescence. You think that your entire life will be over because one little thing changed, and that your heart will harden and become impenetrable for the rest of your life, blahblahblah. All that drama that teens put themselves into, and only they can get themselves out of it. Do you know why drama looks cool in soap operas, shows, movies, books? Because misery sells. Other people's miseries make our own misery seem bearable.

    But life is much more than that. You don't have to be the victim. You don't have to be the damsel in distress. You can pick up your own strength and slay that dragon with your own hands. You can turn misery into epic, how does that sound to you?

    Now, I'm not saying it will not hurt. It will hurt. It will hurt a lot. All the memories you have with him, all the good moments, all of those will turn against you; whatever comforted you will now hurt you. Your world will break and fall apart. But hey, so does a cocoon before the butterfly can come out. So does the egg shell before a little chick sees light for the first time. So did you, in the first nine months of your life; you have already broken free from one world into the other. Was it easy? Probably not. Babies cry when they are born; it is cold, the air hurts their primal lungs, they feel vulnerable and they are tossed around by hands of strangers, and not always in the kindest manner. But you had to be born to grow, develop, get stronger.

    Seize this opportunity to be reborn. This heartbreak will shape your character; it will show you the essence of yourself, and you might find strength you never thought you had. Leave him, and leave any friends who do not support you in your decision. Life is not about to be over; it is about to begin
    REPLY:
    Thank you for your advice. I see your reasoning clearly and truly appreciate your thoughts. Ill take what you said to heart, people always tell me things like that but I always ended up being naive again. I might remain his friend because he does need help and a positive influence in life, but our secret status will probably change. Thank you it means a lot

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by bellamydog@hellokitty.com View Post
    REPLY:
    Thank you for your advice. I see your reasoning clearly and truly appreciate your thoughts. Ill take what you said to heart, people always tell me things like that but I always ended up being naive again. I might remain his friend because he does need help and a positive influence in life, but our secret status will probably change. Thank you it means a lot
    You are welcome. I pray things go well between you two. Keep your chin up, your mind clear, and your heart strong

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